I have been reminded today of the fear involved when cancer is suspected. It’s so natural. When a loved one has been unwell and the practitioner suggests that there may be something cancerous our hearts stop. The world slows down and an air of unreality settles over us. The world is moving but you are standing still. Reality shifts. The meaningless things in life suddenly become just that and love expands all around you, but especially to the person in question. Before there was plenty of time but now, who knows how much there is. A sense of urgency descends.
I was spared this with Heidi. I had no previous relationship with her as she came to me already very ill with cancer, a heart full of love but also fearfulness, and a body worn with illness. I knew she was ill and I also knew that her prognosis was poor, even though I also suspected that she could be well and this suspicion was stronger than the thought of losing her. It makes such a difference knowing where you stand right at the beginning. Had it been Meg, my beloved Meggie, I would have been totally beside myself. I have pictured us walking together side-by-side for many years to come and to have that image stolen is unimaginable. To not have her by my side is too painful to contemplate.
A family member had a cancer scare recently and it brought so much into sharp focus. The missed moments, the words left unsaid. How do you tell someone how much you love them without them thinking, “Ooh! I’m being written off here.”? Simple. Tell them you love them. Forgive anything. Speak the unspoken. Share the missed hugs.
I hope that Heidi’s story inspires you. She did much of the work herself – she was the one who decided to go on and to become well. Without her input none of this wellness would have happened. If you are facing this journey, you are not alone in making the decisions. Your companion will guide you, even if it’s to say, “I’m sorry, I’m too tired, I really can’t go on. I’m ready to go.” but love gives our animals such strength, and can help them through the toughest of obstacles – including parting.
If I were to make any suggestions of how to cope with cancer in my dog they would be these:-
1. Find one of the many reputable communicators out there (please go by recommendation or instinct) to help you discover your dog’s wishes. You may be surprised with what they come out, and they will almost certainly make you laugh.
2. Find a vet who you trust and who will work with you as a valuable team member rather than a nuisance owner. If you feel you aren’t involved in the treatment your dog will too. It’s easy to be involved. Never be afraid to get second opinions. Never be afraid to find another vet when you have the diagnosis. You need to know that there is someone supportive at the end of the telephone when you need them – especially in the middle of the night. Your trusted vet may be over an hour away, but no local vet will turn you away in an emergency to tide you over until you can see your regular one.
3. Keep a journal. Writing down notes from consultations, responses to medication and recording your emotions, no matter what they are, helps. I remember reaching a point of sleep deprivation when I was sleeping with Heidi every night that I had no idea what time of day or which day it was, let alone how HRH had responded to a remedy last week!
4. Check out natural diets. A balanced natural diet places far less strain on the organs than most processed foods. Your dog needs to have the resources available to produce an immune reponse (if you are going along the CV247 route) and good, appropriate nutrition is a good place to start.
5. If your friends want to help, accept it. Pride has no place here! Seeing someone you care about struggling is so hard – people will either help or they won’t and the only way to find out is to accept any that is offered. Make a list of things which could help you – ironing, some meals for the freezer, someone to take the kids or the other animals out for a while. Anything. A great idea is to write them onto slips of paper and to put them in a bowl – your friends can do lucky dip and you can be surprised!
6. Use your intuition/ gut feeling. If something feels wrong your dog will pick up on it and will act accordingly. Keep on going until something feels right. Others may try to persuade you otherwise, but stick with it. You know if your dog is suffering, and you’ll know this better than anyone else.
Most of all, be gentle with yourself. You will be unable to do everything. Enjoy the journey. It may be a roller-coaster sometimes, but no ounce of love ever gets wasted.
Blessed be.
Rach and Heidi.