Heidi

10pm – I have just felt Heidi’s lump & it is bigger than it has ever been before & really quite tight inside the skin. It is the first time I have felt concerned about it bursting & am unsure what to do. I have just spoken to Lesley (on call vet) who has suggested that if it were in serious danger of bursting Heidi would be showing some signs of discomfort (licking, whining,etc), there may be a discharge or signs of thinning of the skin. None of these apply & she seems quite bright (although tired after a day of family).

Lesley has also suggested we stop the Phytolacca until Monday when I can speak to Barbara to see whether this may be having some influence on HRH’s lump.

Please may we have a quiet week with her this week?

R x

I find it difficult to believe that it’s 3 weeks since Heidi’s op. She has been through so much & yet here she is bouncing around the garden like nothing has happened. Remarkable.

We had her blood test results on Tuesday. She is now hypothyroid which explains why the scales hit 13.6kg (a whole kilo heavier than when she came to us last November, & a kilo I never thought we’d see). We’ll have to watch she doesn’t pile on the pounds with her all new metabolism so have started to cut back on her food – there was rather a lot of it.

We now give her her Soloxine an hour before her meals & this morning you’d have thought I’d killed her mother the way she looked at me. You see, if we are in the kitchen we are feeding her not giving her the most meagre piece of cheese & then walking away for an hour before the good bit happens. I was quickly forgiven (albeit an hour later). HRH is now constantly hungry & will graze anything off the floor. BO (before operation) even bits of food on the floor would be left, but now anything is game; fluff, bits of wood, chicken pooh (that’s generally outside…), soil, potato peeling which have missed the compost, etc. 

The lump which disappeared last week has gradually reappeared. I have no reason to panic about it – I’d much rather have Heidi with a lump & feeling comfortable than her without it & feeling dreadful, which she apparently was. She is so vital at the moment & so very keen to be out & about again, & that is what is important. Obviously I’d be delighted if it went & stayed away, but only if she feels well with it. Barbara has suggested we make a little bra for her to keep the lump protected from knocks & abrasions so the sewing machine will be put to use this weekend. Would it be a Grrrrra?

It’s just so wonderful to see her verve back again. Although her twinkle was always in her eyes, even when she was feeling dreadful but there was anxiety there too, the sparkle has returned to her eyes. That collie mischief which leaves you utterly vulnerable to smiling all the time is back. When our old cat, Spike, was living out his last days I had several people tell me I should have him PTS. My answer was always the same; while he has that twinkle in his eyes, no matter how small, he stays because he wants to. He, like Heidi, had bad days, but you could feel the strength of their will to stay through it all. The road to wellness or physical death isn’t easy & is strewn with obstacles, but by knowing there will be “off” days & looking for the light in their eyes you will know whether it’s right for them to continue with your support or whether it’s time to help them out of their failing bodies. The day Spike died the spark was just a glimmer. He wanted neither water nor food, but just to be held for one last, peaceful cuddle. He needed no help to leave & when he did leave it was one of the most precious moments I have ever experienced. There was no fear from either of us & it was beautiful. I still cry for him as I miss him but he reached out with his silver-grey paw & touched my soul.

Bob Champion said, “With hope, you can achieve anything.”  With hope, fear has no place to reside. With hope you can look into your companions eyes & support them in a way that is appropriate. It is possible to be both hopeful & realistic by taking one day at a time & enjoying each, precious moment with them. Stroking their faces, gently scratching the point behind their ears which makes their eyes go soft, quietly brushing their coats, or just watching them while they sleep, telling them softly how much you love them.

Take time to get to know their twinkle, it will serve you well.

R x

My first sight this morning? A little collie looking down at me on the floor smiling with the tip of her tail twitching. What a sight for sore eyes she was. Before I’d even had time to draw a breath a big black wet nose was in my left eye with a tongue wrapped a round the end of my nose. Meg had crept down to saw “hello!”. I cannot imagine life without dogs.

You can go right off roller-coasters.

Heidi called to me at 5 this morning & I found her shaking all over, slightly chilly, with cold feet & very pale again. I sat quietly doing TTouch with her for about 5 minutes & she calmed. Her colour had returned so I went back to bed. At 8 this morning I found her shaking, pale & looking utterly dejected. I found no trace of any discomfort but gave her Arnica just in case, Aspen for the trembling & Rock Rose before spending about 20 minutes doing more TTouch; Chris joined us to do ear-work & she gradually calmed down. There was no sense that this was anything like last Thursday’s crisis, but I rang the vet for advice anyway. Once we’d established that she was eating ok (from a spoon though – she is poorly after all) it was decided we’d play the “wait & see” game that seems to go with this condition.

The day has been spent dodging up & down the stairs; 15 minutes work, 15 minutes with Heidi, 15 minutes back in the office, & so on - thank you self-employment! During one session I noticed how her coat has changed; it’s gone really curly (which it does when she’s under the weather), the skin around her ribcage is incredibly tight & she twitches when I stroke her middle back – unusual for her.

Her breath has been almost toxic since Thursday. It’s enough to make your eyes water but we go to great lengths to avoid making any kind of issue about it. I received a lovely e-mail form someone I met at a local show last year who is going through similar traumas with her dog & suggested that Heidi was “lysing”. Not heard of it so was pleased when Pam explained, “Lysing is when the body is overwhelmed by dealing with dead cells, some dogs have been cured by the Cancer but died of the lysing and post mortems have shown that the cancer had gone but the body just couldn’t cope with dealing with the amount of dead cells.” Cheering, but bless her, she did follow this up with the observation that Heidi seems to be coping with it. It makes sense to me & I look forward to hearing what Barbara feels.

With this in mind I have been giving her Crab Apple flower remedy through the day as a good cleanser. I will give her another dose of Milk Thistle at tea-time too to help her liver clear out the yuck. I have been interested that she has consistently rejected healing today, much preferring TT, strokes & tickles. She had her jumper back on for about an hour this morning as she was so chilly, but that came off when Chris lit the fire before lunch.

Lump update. The tenderness & pinkness has gone & the pouch has refilled to about half of what it was but it feels very different to how it was before Thursday (it’s ok, I’m not squooshing it around, just light strokes are enough to establish the changes). Before there was a definite “connector”, a bit like an umbilical cord, but now it just feels like fluid filled pouch.

HRH is much brighter this afternoon, even managing a little woof at the Postman, but is still on restricted exercise to allow her system time to deal with whatever is going on in it at the moment. Her eyes have remained bright throughout & she is still able to do vertical take-off & landings to the sofa.

Thank you everyone for your lovely messages & wishes. They mean so much.

R & H xx

Heidi is brighter today, but certainly wasn’t up to going out for a walk – maybe she heard Barbara saying that she was going to be taking things easy for a couple of days. Instead, she snuggled into me on the floor for more cuddles.

It struck me at that moment how much TTouch can do to change you from an onlooker or pill-feeder to a participant in the journey of your companion back to health. Heidi is still in some discomfort & her breathing was very rapid. Moving the skin gently over her ribs you could feel the tension held there. After only a few minutes of doing Raccoon TTouches over her ribs you could see her relaxing & breathing more easily, & she eventually did a big sigh, indicating that the worst of the tension had gone & she was able to breathe deeply. She then went into a deep sleep which can only be healing.

Her discomfort level must have gone down dramatically as she rolled onto her back & showed me her pouch. It’s still pink, but she was happy having it handled gently. She’s also clingy, but that is understandable.

We were planning a trip out on Saturday, but we are now having a quiet weekend at home, snuggled up on the sofa!

R x

This is written with some hesitancy.

We had a shock today. Heidi looked a little uncomfortable when she walked over to me so I checked to see whether her lump had maybe got caught in the bottom edge of her t-shirt (it hadn’t happened yet, but you never know). I felt her lump, then I felt it again, then I called Chris over to feel it in case I’d made a mistake.

The lump had gone.

Chris confirmed it. She still had the bulge of skin & it felt quite flabby, but there was definitely no tumour, no tightness, no resistance & no tenderness. I galloped off to share the news with Barbara, but by the time I had returned Heidi was shaking all over, her lump area was very tender & her tail was well & truly clamped tight to her stomach. Aaggghhhhh! Aconite, Aspen, & Carbo Veg as her gums were white then straight into the car, pausing only to explain to Meg that it was ok, we’d be bringing Heidi back later in the afternoon (the whole time praying it was true). 

By the time we arrived at the surgery, Heidi was still shaking & I was a mess. I was useless & burst into tears when I got into the surgery, & dear Helen – thank you for the cuddle, it was so appreciated. Barbara had a feel & thought she might have knocked the lump, gave her some Arnica to ease the discomfort (the one remedy I forgot to give!). Further investigation revealed that the nipple was quite pink & hot & her abdomen was very tender. The suggestion was that the lump has been reabsorbed & she now has mastitis. Heidi was given a painkilling injection – her teeth were still chattering with the shakes poor girl.

Her lump was very definitely there the previous evening – she showed us when she was rolling on her back, but it had gone the next morning. I never anticipated that it would go quite that fast.  All I know is, it’s not there now.

This bit is conjecture only: could the body have reabsorbed what it was able to deal with, & when Chris & I were feeling it very gently, it caused more cells than the immune system could deal with to go into her system causing her to go into shock (pale gums, shaking)? Our lovely communicator, Jackie, felt that her cells were “claggy” & not running smoothly. If they were handling a load of cancerous cells is it possible this is how they would feel? Last week when I was giving Heidi some healing I sensed the cells leaving the growth along something which looked like an umbilical cord & each individual cell was enveloped by a glorious red pillow of a blood platelet where it was literally loved to death. Is this what her system is doing now? Has her immune system been boosted to a point where it can now manage this? All the herbs, homeopathy, transfer factor, reishi mushrooms, good food, love, healing & now CV247  have enabled this to happen. As I say, conjecture, but something has caused a dramatic change.

When asked what one thing made the change, it would be like asking how long would she have lived without any of this. Who knows. As I tell my TTouch clients, when helping an animal back to balance there may be many pieces to the jigsaw, but it’s only when the final piece goes in that the picture reveals itself to you. Bear in mind that Heidi had been on her regime from December 2008, & only started the CV247 2 weeks ago. Why the change now? I leave you to draw your own conclusions. My jury is still out as to whether this is a spontaneous reabsorbtion or the tumour bursting after a knock; whichever way, her immune system will be working 19 to the dozen.

Heidi is weary, still quite tender & very clingy, but the shaking has stopped & we are ready for bed.

I’ve just been looking back through the blog & it’s very easy to forget how far Heidi has come in such a short space of time.

This is the wound on her neck now:

The art of healing 25.3.09

She hardly scratches at it but always looks over to me when she does & if she’s too close to the wound I give her a little look & she changes her scratching position so that her paw is stuck in her ear & she pulls a face! “I wasn’t going to scratch it, honest!”

A few years ago I had a nasty wound on my arm & I did TTouch on it every day not only because it was incredibly soothing but also because it took the fear away from the event which caused it. I had another wound which I did no TT on to see what the difference was. The one on my arm took about 10 days to heal & has left no scarring at all. The one I left alone took nearly 6 weeks & is badly scarred. Interestingly, I sometimes get pain shooting through the non-TTouched scar, but not the TTouched one.

When Kugel (cat) & Meg were spayed I recall feeling how tight the muscles were around the wound site & how soft they would become after only 5 minutes of TT. Neither animal showed any concern about having the area touched in such a way, & the vets were amazed at how quickly they healed. Something as gentle & mindful as this is not only soothing, but also helps with circulation & connection to an area  which it would be easy to disconnect from as it hurts! If the brain is connected in such a way it must make it easier to heal it.

Bad weather is forecast for tomorrow but I will endeavour to get some outdoor pictures if I can be quick enough to catch her as she hurtles past me.

R x

All well on the western front.

Yesterday morning & this morning was greeted with cold legs & feet so I spent about 1/2 hour doing Ttouch over her ears to support her heart & all over her body for the circulation. She adores Abalone on her torso – her eyes just seem to melt away as she slips into a dream-like state. She’s back as quick as a flash when I go to her front feet though!

Whoever returned the medium t-shirt, thank you. Heidi is now wearing it & it fits beautifully. Meg had got herself into such a state without her jumper that I put her old t-shirt on; it’s about 3 years old now & looks as though the moths have been at it (they haven’t, she’s just run through too many bushes), but within 1/2 an hour you could see her beginning to return to our planet & she actually spent most of the evening cuddled up on the sofa with us which is unusual at the moment. This morning I was greeted with a cheery grin & a very waggy, wet kiss the second I opened my eyes. This is the same Meg who was struggling to get up in the morning & would return to bed at the drop of a hat. It’s  almost as though she has lost her protective skin & feels vulnerable when she’s not wearing either her Hotterdog or her T-shirt, but she is so relaxed when she is. I’m very grateful we have them in the house. Perhaps I’ll get her a new one for the summer… Since Heidi has been wearing her t-shirt today she has stopped being a velcro dog; it must have been exhausting for her as every time I moved somewhere she would have to follow. At lunchtime I had to call her over for food for the first time ever! She is so much more chilled in it.

I feel that although Heidi’s extremities have been generally better, there are times when they are so cold that she evidently needs the medication so I have given her a half dose (as suggested by Barbara) so that any potential light-headedness can be coped with more easily. Fingers crossed.

We’re back at the vets this afternoon for a progress report. I wish the surgery was closer – 50 minutes each way can get wearing, but they are SO worth the journey. I shall post something later if there is anything to report.

How’s this for progress:

Heidi has put on weight & is now up to 12.9kg (this is the heaviest she’s been with us); her heart has stopped making the “pinging” noise & is a steady 100bpm which indicates that her heart is definitely under less pressure, although the murmur remains; her wound is healing well & beginning to shed bits of scab (sorry if you’re eating); her mammary growth is much less tight & is more mobile within her skin - Barbara expressed concern that there was a danger of it bursting before (I’m glad she had kept that one to herself). The expression used was “Heidi is doing very well.” Everyone was amazed at how bright & lively she is, & they hadn’t seen her on the grass before we went in where she was having a delightful bounce.

Whatever you are sending Heidi’s way, do please continue if you are in a position to – it really is making an extraordinary difference & she still has a way to go. We are all hugely grateful to everyone. My hope is that others may be inspired by Heidi’s story & establish their own teams of people who can create the same magical healing & supportive environment where the animal or person can get the most out of the treatment they are receiving. It would also be good for others to appreciate what can be achieved naturally, working with the animal & creating a healthy body instead of attacking its natural defences.

My smile is wide. Heidi’s tail is wagging furiously. Meg is grinning & doing helicopter-tails. Moley is giving everyone special Moley kisses. Kugel watches from her spot on the stairs. Tig calls for more food please. Do share our joy.

R x

Heidi is amazing. The extra dose of herbs each day is doing the trick & her legs are warm & her tongue has lost its blue tinge. Thank you Barbara.

HRH has been really bright & managed a trip out yesterday with my parents to a garden centre. She looked a little flat at one point so I opened the side door of the van & did some TTouch with her. While I wasn’t looking, Meg popped out & went off sniffing around the car park which would have been fine if I’d had a pocket full of treats to get her attention back on me. She’s pretty emotionally wrung out at the moment & was therefore unable to hear me. I realised too late that wasn’t coming back as I saw her tail disappear into the farm shop. I grabbed her lead & trotted in behind. It was one of those moments when you just wanted the ground to open up & swallow you. The shop was heaving. Meg isn’t a people person but hadn’t realised that there were quite so many in there until she’d done one complete circuit, looked up & saw what, or rather, who was around her. You could see the panic wash over her as she dived under one of the display stands. I prayed there was nothing edible under there or there may have been rather more explaining to do when I grabbed the debris from her mouth. It was a good news, bad news situation. Beer bottles all neatly lined up in tidy rows. That was before Meg arrived. She had turned into a snarling wreck who had no idea which way to turn or what to do. I was endeavouring to remain calm as any sign of any kind of emotion tips her right over the edge & you stand NO chance of doing anything with her; this was against the odds as I was getting truly filthy looks from some of the shoppers, & sympathetic ones from others. They perhaps didn’t realise that I knew she wasn’t meant to be in there, even though I was grovelling around on my hands & knees replacing the falling bottles as I went, calling out abject apologies the shop-keeper whilst endeavouring to clip a lead onto a snarling, snapping dervish. I was keeping the image of her flying out from under the stand & snapping at one of the children right out of my mind (that took some doing as she’s more than capable). She was SO scared poor girl. I was relieved to see a quarry tile floor which meant she could skid elegantly across it when I eventually got a hold of her collar. I truly hate dragging a dog over a floor but there really was no option. Once the lead was on her, she suddenly came back to our planet, looked around in wonderment at the devastation then trotted out alongside me as though someone else had done it. Darling Meg, I do love you, but I’m glad I understand you & your ways. I rue the day I vaccinated you & made your brain misfire the way it does.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Heidi had launched a successful takeover bid on Meg’s front seat position & was very happily sprawled in the sunshine. I returned to the shop minus Meg & continued grovelling to the shop-keeper (without explaining that my dog truly is a nutter or using the excuse that she’s a rescue (she isn’t) which some people happily fall back on) while I collected up the still rolling bottles to line them up in neat lines once more. Will I ever be able to show my face in there again?

Who's getting the therapy?

Heidi not only managed this trip out but then spent a happy hour wandering around us while we had afternoon tea – terribly civilised, if only you knew. She was very happy to sit with my dad & get some special strokes while she leaned gently in. By late afternoon she was very deeply asleep with her legs in the air back on the sofa & she remained so through the rugby. Her supper was dutifully wolfed then she returned for a snooze. Yesterday was her first walk away from home & it was a total joy to see her trotting happily along the lane. Meg was overjoyed & did her special “happy gallop”, missing out the buzzing part where she invites the other to play by pushing her bum out toward them as she passes. Heidi, as usual, paid her no attention!

My family are completely amazed at how bright she is, & Chris commented on how well she is so soon after her operation. My response was this:-

1. I don’t know of any other dogs who have so many people sending them healing, love & prayers to help them with their recovery.

2. Having a vet whom we trust completely means that we aren’t spending our time worrying about whether there is anything else we could be doing, because we’re already doing it. Also, with our feeling confident, Heidi is going to pick up on this & spend her time getting well instead of worrying about what we might be worrying about.

3. We have the space on our Welsh hilltop for her to get fresh air & no worries about being bothered by people or dogs.

4. She’s an incredibly determined creature who looks as though she’s made a decision to stay & will do all she can to achieve that.

Today she is happy, bright & warm, barking when something interesting happens (like the new lamb by the pond – they say that sheep spend their lives finding new ways to die, but I think this lamb was starting on day one, it was very precarious until it was moved). Her new bark is so strong & deeper than it was. It still fills you with a deep smile as it is an expression of her happiness to be alive.

Blessed be.

Heidi is much brighter this morning but still icy cold in the leg department. I have put her body suit on her after a load of TTouch. Her ears are at least warm now & her legs & feet are less sensitive to being touched; it must be horrible being so cold in the extremities, but very comforting having warm hands make little circles all over you. She was back in her bean bed last night, which she’s not been in since the operation. It is an over-large affair which Meg alwaysstruggled to coordinate her way into & used to try to beat it into submission by stamping her feet all over it!. Heidi just leaps into the middle & she’s set for the night. It was lovely to see her snuggled in.

When Heidi & I returned from the vet yesterday we were greeted by a very anxious Meg who gave us both a very thorough once over. I then realised that normally when I go somewhere either on my own or with HRH that I always explain to Meg where we are going & roughly how long we’ll be. We left in such a hurry yesterday that I said nothing to her. Her demeanour on our return was very much one of the concerned parent, “Where were you? I didn’t know when you were coming back, or, indeed, if you were coming back.”

Meg used to suffer from terrible separation anxiety as a youngster & someone suggested we tell her what we’re doing before we do it & the change was incredible. I could tell her what time we’d be back & she’d disappear to one of the sofas & settle down. If we were ever going to be late back from the time given I’d send her a thought message that we’d been delayed & she’d be fine, but if I didn’t she’d be very anxious on our return. Yesterday’s anxiety was about a lack of information & a mental note has been made; no matter how rushed our exit from the house, we must take a few moments to explain the situation, what might happen, what the consequence could be & any timings. How awful to imagine not seeing your new best friend again. Sorry Meg. It was an oversight.

Heidi is seeing one of her favourite people today; her Grumps (so named by my nephews!). There appears to be a little bit of magic when the 2 are together & I think it will do her good to have some people therapy now she’s ready for it. He will understand what she’s going through as he has had heart problems & an encounter with cancer.

R